Top 14 Tips to Plan a Wedding with Two Months' Notice
by HecateA
Summary: A useful guide by a very exhausted Remus Lupin, who would find friends with better time management if he didn't love these losers so much. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **The following characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and this story derives from her original works, storylines, and world. Please do not sue me, I can barely pay tuition.

**Warnings: **NA

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**Stacked with: **MC4; Shipping Wars

**Individual Challenge(s): **Gryffindor MC (x5); Seeds; Click Bait It; Bow Before the Blacks; Summer Vacation; Short Jog

_**Shipping War**_

**Ship (Team): **Lily Evans and James Potter (Patronus Pair)

**List (Prompt):** Micro 2 (Worst Possible Timing)

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**Top 14 Tips to Plan a Wedding with Two Months' Notice **

**A useful guide by Remus Lupin **

1\. Try not to be mad. While it's common knowledge that weddings take time to put together, James and Lily's last brush with Voldemort truly was horrifying_. _So, in a way, yes, it's normal that the two people who were directly involved reacted this way and felt the need to be married by the end of summer. Apparently, August 31st is the hill we will all die on, so just send out the invitations assuming that everything will be put together and fine by then. Oh, and then have a drink. But nothing too hard because you're pretty sure that there's going to be a lot of this over the next two months since they've decided you should be the one coordinating the whole thing because, in the eloquent words of Sirius Black, "nobody else fucks with spreadsheets."

2\. Find a location. Thankfully, James' gift of paying a superhuman amount of attention to the minutia of Lily Evans' life will come in handy, because he'll suggest the sunflower field behind Mrs. Potter's house. Lily's always loved it there, and the only tree with wand-quality wood and a sizeable bowtruckle colony is in there. She says it's lucky to get married near a tree like that, and nobody has any idea if that's actually true but it's one of those sweet things that Lily says that everyone _wants _to be true. So be it: they'll just get married there. Assign the task of hanging lanterns across the tree and decorating on the big day to Marlene McKinnon and Peter. **Note:** Do _not_ let Sirius and Marlene work together on anything because they've both just assumed that their opposing roles as best man and maid of honour reflect some kind of sanction to start sleeping together again, and that's just been a disaster every time it's been attempted.

3\. Make sure Lily picks a date to go wedding dress shopping and make sure James picks a date to get new dress robes. These two are ridiculously excited about getting married but are knee-deep in Order business. They have already misplaced the first two spreadsheets you've shared with them. Sirius ate the third. Also, Peter lost his copy (not maliciously unlike some other animagi, just by dumb luck). Trust nobody in this process, except perhaps Mrs. Potter.

4\. Remind Lily and James that when they go cake tasting they can choose whatever they like, but you _will _boycott the wedding if it's not chocolate something-or-other.

5\. Tell James that he can't just say _whatever! _at every question, he needs to make some kind of decision to help in this process even if "all I want is to marry her, Remus, that's literally it." And no, "choosing the bride" does not count. Tell him that he does have to care about flowers just this once in his life. Also, please pick something that's in season.

6\. Spend the day with Mrs. Potter, who is seizing this wedding as an opportunity to give the backyard some much needed attention. She's let it mostly go wild since Mr Potter passed away. She's decided that there are bushes to be transplanted, the side of the house could use a fresh coat of paint, picnic tables need scrubbing, windows need washing, firepits need cleaning out, the lawn needs mowing, the fence needs to be nailed upright again… Since the wedding's an afternoon affair, there are backyard games to be set up across the yard too; ring toss, ladder golf, oversized chess and checker boards, enormous dominos, horseshoes… Lily and James said they just wanted to have fun, and this was a good way of having fun without terrorizing some of the borderline-ancient Potter relatives around.

7\. Get sneaky with Sirius. Mrs. Potter herself has been gracious in hosting but needs to manage her energy—the healer said so. So for the rest of the guests, once the serious wedding stuff is done, book the Three Broomsticks. And "book" here actually means "tell Madam Rosmerta that an absolutely unbelievable quantity of people who very much wanted to drink are going to pour into her establishment with no rhyme or reason and they will be wanting good dancing music."

8\. Give Lily a massive hug on the morning she goes wedding dress shopping, because Petunia still hadn't answered her letter and it is now officially too late for her to come. Leave her in the trustworthy hands of Marlene and Mary and Mrs. Potter. Spend the day talking James out of tracking down Lily's Muggles himself because "no, James, it _won't _end well, if her sister had changed, she'd have answered." Also assist Sirius and Peter in dragging him outside of the house when the bridal party returns much earlier than anticipated with a dress that they apparently fell in love with at first sight. Apparently, there's a Muggle superstition about the groom seeing the dress that Lily believes tooth and nail. Subtly transfer the wedding dress from a hiding place in Mrs. Potter's house to a hiding place in you and Sirius' flat because James will inevitably stubbornly look for it.

9\. Apologize to Lily for how drunk all four of the Marauders got after robe fittings. Don't pull the "it was the day after the full moon" excuse because there will inevitably be a time where an excuse that strong will come _more _in handy. Besides, Lily can't be that mad because a drunken Sirius transformed into Padfoot and got all snuggly, anyways.

10\. Don't panic when Marlene McKinon and Mary MacDonald give you a grand total of 0 information about Lily's bachelorette party because "Remus it's none of your business." Well Marlene, neither was being so personally involved in choosing which kind of potato should be served at dinner but look whose problem that suddenly became. Next time she loses her spreadsheet, she is on her own.

11\. Spend the afternoon labelling party favors—bubbles, that Lily has somehow managed to charm so that they shimmer in a hundred colours and release interesting smells and sounds when they pop. Take a shot every time Peter laments about how poor his penmanship is, and one every time James blows bubbles when he's not supposed to. Bless Alice Longbottom for spending the afternoon helping them, but she should not be encouraging James like this.

12\. Order a copious amount of Chinese takeout to power through an emergency meeting to help Sirius write his best man's speech. The idiot seems surprised that this is his task.

13\. Give up on the dress rehearsal since everybody is too giddy, and does it matter anyways? Enjoy the moment, while everyone is sprawled on Mrs. Potter's porch and drinking wine and eating marshmallows and sausages as the sun sets and the firebugs kick in. These are some good people.

14\. You fucking did it. Or you're about 75% sure you did, because you woke up sprawled in Lily and James' living room with about eight other people who also seem to be in dress robes and were definitely on the guest list. Madam Rosmerta has sent an owl thanking you for your business but announcing that she will no longer be hosting wedding after parties, so the wedding definitely happened. Marlene and Sirius have mysteriously vanished, which is unfortunate. Thankfully though, there's also leftover chocolate cake in the fridge.


End file.
